Night Before Christmas…Ed’s Version

Today’s new baby, Barnaby …Wannabe momma Putz gets her licks in…


It was the night milking before Christmas, and in the parlor did appear

My buddy old St. Nicholas without his reindeer.

Oh what’s the matter and where are your deer?

Those animal rights activists have them running in fear!

With hopes, my livestock will take him from here.

We called them by name and they did appear:

Come Boss…Itsy Bitsy and Elf…June and Kandy…Holy Cow and Ms Sassy.

On Laweze and KaSneeze. With the sleigh all attached to my Swiss Lasses

Old St Nick put the whip to their brown little asses.

As they flew out of sight, famous words did I hear…

What the *#@& I’d give now, for my eight tiny reindeer!

Never Fails…

1464gerta-in-the-morning-sun-2335_338426153177313_5687722206574934892_nVery seldom do we go anywhere for an afternoon but when it happens, Murphy’s Law kicks in and we return home to find a cow (s), goat sheep, chicken, dog or something wandering the road as we come driving up to the farm.

Well, yesterday my 3 hour safety course for my pistol permit was from 1-4, so I asked Carol if she would like to go, so while the course was going on she could pick up some stuff we needed then store-hop… Most important, we could go out for supper which normally would be around 6pm before milking.

Call it a farmer’s business lunch! At the Green Acres Tavern in Greenwich, Brenda served us a good meal…thank you!

Then per normal as we pulled up to our driveway, who comes running from the shadows in the hayfield opposite our house?? KaSneeze, a Brown Swiss! She is a young cow you’ve probably heard me tell about who fights with any cow in the barn and promptly loses! Therefor, she spends her time in solitary, running in a barnyard type setting behind the free stall with a box-stall she runs into for food and water.

Anyway, like its always that dejavue thing, she kicks up her heels and runs away every time I call her name, until Carol comes with a pail of grain, then she follows us back to her pen!

As I’m hooking the chain on her gate, that hasn’t been hooked in weeks, I swear all the animals on the farm were laughing, while whispering to each other, ‘He thinks he’s the boss’, yeah right…

BUT, you didn’t interrupt my supper!!!

Tell Me it isn’t so…

15285door084_366354073717854_2802537326456543496_nLatest project…The Door

Most nights when finally calling it quits, I sit at the kitchen table to read a few articles from many farm publications and of course thumb through some ads that arrive daily, to try to keep in touch with trends and prices! After that is when my head has cleared from the day’s happenings and my body has relaxed so I pick up my pen to write whatever nonsense is bouncing around up there!

Well, tonight the flier from a hardware chain has even me headed for the deep end…this is worse than not being able to pour piss out of a boot with the directions written on the heel!

They feel it necessary to write the smart phone and its plug in cord were not included with the power strip for $24.99…ah hell, man, it was in the drawing and I just yelled to Ethel to get her clothes on so we can go down to that hardware store and get us a smart phone to watch the Beverly Hillbillies on, then twiddle ’em…Hot Damn!!!

Have we really gotten to this point? Do people bring these ads in demanding what is in the picture? If so, why not just take a picture with a smart phone as it sits on the shelf in its plastic wrapping with a price tag, not bar code and send it to Facebook?

Every one is on there updating and checking out pictures; they’ll see your power cord with a price…Bang. 21st century…no paper, save the trees, going green…whoa, I should be in advertising!!!

Wait…Carol says they already do this type of thing!!! So these fliers are for idiots like me, huh? Walking around in these wet boots…

No ‘Down’ Time…

1404fair 20165611_312144102472185_6994383308510845012_nEven in these short days of late fall, there seems to be plenty to keep busy with! In many a conversation with, for lack of a better term, non-farmers, ‘well, it’s much easier in the winter’, right!!!

Actually for some one who farms small like we do, may in many ways, be harder.

Unlike many dairies today who have a crew for crops and a crew for cows, here it is just a crew of YOU…which here at Bejosh is Carol and I, a pair of mid 60’s old fogies (speak for yourself Ed)…a crew that spends as early in the spring as Mother nature will allow, until sometime in the fall, when she pulls the plug on working in the fields!

There is milking, feeding and cleaning at some level done every day, year round…in warm weather some animals may be running on pasture so no cleaning with minimal feeding likely! While young calves and milk cows get the full treatment year round!

But the part that I think many times is over looked, is as a workforce of just two, we still have those every day chores all homeowners have…our lawn needs to be mowed, house repairs ( like an old, new door I am doing now).

The lawn you can’t leave to mow over the winter, but those other things…different story! Being that milking cows for a living is a seven day a week job, those weekends off or vacation time built up is, instead, these short days of winter!

When you push like hell taking all that feed you’ve got stored up from Mother Nature’s grace period, keeping all those animals happy and healthy so you can go freeze your balls off, you gotta play home owner!

May say even though I’m past the cut it twice and it’s still too short and the radio doesn’t go off when you turn the light switch on, it sure would be nice to do it without gloves on and a flashlight in my mouth!

I put this on my to do list…or my bucket list???

Well, guess it’s about that time again…

Everywhere I look lately, decorations are going up, cars driving by with trees strapped to the roof or stuck in the trunk, so I thought I’d make my list and check it over to see if it really is that time of year!!

1485posies3095_346615689025026_4474349450095533329_oOk, the mannequins all seem to have on heavy clothes, with hats, gloves and a scarf… Yeah the wood stove in the milking parlor is going and Sadie is spending a lot more time there…

Beanie moved into the shop during overnight hours… Shivers sleeps on the bed at night now, not out in the hay mow…There is a big dog rug made up of Minnie, Putz ,Grissom, Stella and of course, Lady, the smallest who snores, sleeping around the wood stove in the house…Kita and Lovie have their beds by the parlor stove…

Every one keeps hitting their head on the heater in the milk house!…My gloves are always wet and my hands get cold!…Carol always asks my to bring more hay and straw around for the calf barn…Phil, Ms Kay and number one son Willie, the peacocks, have also taken up residency in there also…

Cut a load of wood today, yesterday …dammit, every day! Opened up that other area in the barn so can have it for cows to calve in which there are 3 all due next week; Dog, Cass and Gerta ;and they are all looking the part…

In big letters on the top of the list is to move Mongo, Tor and possibly Peeps in with RedMan, so three bulls , whoops, 2 bulls and 2 steers ( Mongo and Tor may want to be bucking bulls, HAHA!) Then switch heifers from one side of the road to the other in preparation of them becoming new members of the milking herd next year!

So kinda’ looks like it might just be that time to go dig my camo Santa suit outta moth balls!!! HO HO HO!!!

Upon Further Review…

First thing needing to be said on the accident the other night is how proud I am of that young man; he came by the next day, taking ownership. Good thing to see in this ‘I’ and ‘me’ world.

1414Black Vultures1831_316982418655020_6962265282745645674_nThen being able to survey what happened, how lucky everyone was. You see, just a few weeks ago, just about where he came to a halt with the truck, was a guide pole connected by cable of course, to the power pole about 15′ from our front door. This pole connects to a second pole maybe 80′ away on the back side of the garage that hooks to the house.

This second pole has a transformer on it, our power source for the farm. The guide pole on the other side of the road was broken in an accident by a truck just a few weeks ago and the power company decided not to replace it! Didn’t think it was doing any good!

What a blessing that was, because this truck would have plowed right into it! I feel there would have been a good possibility that both those other poles may have come down ior maybe only one, bringing down live wires, which being so close to the house, in fact passing over the garage, there would have been a risk for fire or worse!

My reason for having this concern is those big white ‘X’s on the power poles which is the sign that they are to be replaced! Simply put, they’re old and rotting away! Now this ‘X’ marks are just part of a parade of inspectors that , over the last 4 years, have been coming by every few months, filling out forms, checking pole numbers; always answering my questions of when they will be replaced with ‘oh I’m just part of verification, I don’t schedule when the work is done..’

Now I know nothing did happen with the poles and maybe it’s just fuddy duddy old me, but why do I feel a bullet was dodged and I’m sort of angry or is it disappointed? Are power companies to blame or is it gov’t red tape>Two poles and last year many in the area were replaced both up and down my road!

How about the road itself? Once just gravel, then oil and stones, then blacktop; and with each supposed up-grade every one goes faster! I ask…was ever an engineer involved, if it was a NASCAR track one would have been!!! The corner just above our house…is it sloped to keep the cars on the road? Was that the reason for gravel roads so people drove slower because cost and time prohibit all country roads from being engineered???

How many bullets will we dodge or is it who will and how many?? Makes me pull out that Dirty Harry line…’feeling lucky, punk? Well do ya??