I honestly didn’t realize it has been a month since I posted here. Going through the ‘stages’ that one goes through when they lose a loved one I have learned that there is no set way, right way or easy way to grieve. That is just my opinion…having grief, loss and loneliness dominate the last 4 months for me here at Bejosh.
Four months…the same length of time my Farmer fought the cancer after learning that it had filled his brain (quite literally). Not enough time.
I remember the day he went outside for the last time…a tough day for all as the cancer was wreaking havoc with my Farmer. As family and friends had stopped by Ed was working so hard to be positive and upbeat…but we all knew better.
Jordan marched back into the house after a visit with Grampy and announced that he was going to take him outside…no ‘ifs, ands or buts…. and got the wheelchair ready.
The excitement was empowering…they brought out the Brown Swiss for him to pet and talk to…took him around to the free stall to see his ladies. There were tears as big as saucers pouring down his cheeks…smiles as big as all outdoors…and a hug and ‘love you’ for Jordan. It made a difference to all who witnessed this last outdoor adventure.
That evening we talked for a long time…nothing in particular until he said that he knew his goodbyes to his animals was inevitable. One thing led to another…we held hands and he talked about how he wished he had a better legacy to leave all of us.
This has been on my mind the last few weeks…he wanted to do something that people would remember him for…
I heard a song the other day that said ‘some men stand for something and some men fall’. My Farmer stood for hard work…a mainstay in ignorance…and love of family. His legacy is alive and well…it lives on at Bejosh and in all of us who love him for who he was and for what he stands for.
We will succeed…we will fail at times. Nothing and no one can be right all the time…but we will learn from at least trying.
I know…I know….I got off track here. My heart cries for my Farmer and his ability to make things right again…just give it some time he would tell me. That is what I will do.
He was and is my greatest blessing….his strong will and soft heart…his directness and giggle that would make the devil himself do the same.
I put these few photos together in his honor…a four month fight comes to an end but his legacy goes on!
Top row…My Farmer and Me…Jordan’s mission is a bittersweet success.
Middle row…Son Jess conducts the funeral service…my Farmer’s last ride… and the bearers do their job
Bottom row…following the casket to the cemetery…family members say their goodbyes.
*** I thought perhaps our followers would like to see how loved and respected he was. The people who followed the horse and wagon was unbelievable…then to see the cars of those who chose to drive parked at the site is a testament to the man.
So you see he must have left a mark…just look at the photos.
Moving forward into the new year I count my Farmer as my #1 blessing…I will do my best to honor his memory … I count my other blessings every day — 4 children—10 grandchildren– and we cannot forget the ladies in the barn—all a part of Ed Gulley’s Legacy !
***I apologize if this post seems to be all over the place…I still cry at the drop of a hat and tonite I feel especially emotional. I do promise to keep the blog going. It won’t be the same as before…I am doing this on my own and my insights aren’t as refined (ha ha) as when we did this together.
HAPPY 2019 TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU…I can’t do it without you…you are each a blessing in your own way to me. XO XO!!!