How Can it Be?

Where has the time gone???? August 1980

The first thing that comes to mind when I see this photo is how much Ed loved the Fair. He never took the time to enjoy much off the farm but he sure made the Fair a family outing…

From the time our oldest son showed his Elsie cow in 1978 to the Fair of 2017 Ed was like a kid again come every third week of August.

Just being out where he could see and talk to other farmers was a treat for him. Up until the late ’90’s early 2000’s it was 6 days of the year that we all looked forward to just to see his excitement and enjoyment while being off the farm.

,No we were never the showmen with the top cow in the ring or even close to it…but he had fun.

Taking care of all the cows was his goal at the farm. He loved his animals and he loved the field work , too. Having a good day always had something to do with the animals or a day when you had to unload hay wagons continuously to keep up with whoever was baling; then get up the next morning to do it all over again.

After our kids all left the farm everything fell onto the two of us. The Fair was still something to look forward to when the grand kids took over showing. It just came about naturally, keeping the annual outing important without a hitch since 1978.

Some summers Mother Nature didn’t cooperate with favorable hay making weather in July and early August as all farmers know.

So if hay was ready to bale on a Fair day Farmer and I did it…sometimes with help from the kids and grandkids if it wasn’t a show day….but no complaints as Grampy still got to the Fair even if for only an hour or two.

Fast forward to August 2017…his last Fair. Still a full week of Fair and hay. This time some of the kids did come to help unload the wagons and help with chores with him and I. And more happy memories made with Fair food, his animals and even a bit of midway fun was the payoff for the hard work of the day..

When I look back now I think of that Fair as one of the last things he got to enjoy with no strings attached.

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The day before the Fair of August 2018 we laid my Farmer to rest. And with heavy hearts the grandkids showed his animals that Fair week.

Once again the Fair is coming up…the third one without my Farmer.

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It seems like just yesterday we were all looking forward to those Fairs with our 4 kids. But time marches on…Farmer’s cancer diagnosis….hitting the road on the Journey…his health declining so quickly but never a complaint…the grace with which he prepared all of us for what was inevitable. He was an amazing person.

I prefer to feel he lived the way he wanted to…after I had heart surgery in 2014 I always assumed he would be the one sitting here today facing a 3 year loss and not me. Three years doesn’t seem possible…seems like yesterday most days.

I have read hundreds of inspirational messages during that time and all have touched me in one way or another. Loss is hard to bear…someone you trusted with anything/everything….a soulmate and best friend…the one who could be so good at talking through the hard times and sharing the best of himself with no expectations.

And yes, he was obstinate and self-centered at times, not willing to listen to anything but his own ideas… he knew best.

That made him who he was…the full picture of good and not so good. But somewhere in that picture you will find a heart full of love and a soul full of self confidence and strength like no other person I know. That is my loss.

As crazy as it is, I do talk to butterflies and crows…they are his messengers. I can feel him through their presence. They are my safety net when the sadness takes over. I know he is watching over me. It is all what you believe in.

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So as I sit here with so many thoughts and feelings about his last days I have so much respect and pride for the man he was. I am sad and have shed my share of tears…He is missed more than I can express here with words.

My Farmer will be forever missed…the memories we made help these days. I guess I have moved on to acceptance of the loss , at least that is what the grief counselor would call it.

We all still expect him to appear at the craziest of times and God knows I wish he could; but he needed to rest and enjoy more of what awaited him. I pray he found that place.

I pray that his children and grand children have their own personal connection that keeps him close; I am sure they do as time goes on. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

I will hold him in my heart forever and he lives on for me in the wonderful memories we made. I take great peace from the things he taught us all…To hear the kids and grand kids say ‘Grampy did’ or ‘Dad Said’ or the best for me is “I remember Grampy or Dad used to…”!!! It keeps him here for all of us. We all need to be close again.

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Just us…And one of his creations.

Ed, I will feel your touch in the breeze and hear your voice when I need it most. But your smile and laugh are always a part of what keeps us all going. Couldn’t ask for more.

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Until next time…every one stay safe and healthy. And thank you for your continued support of this blog.

I love and miss you Farmer…

Filing Some Stuff Away….

I know it has been a while but I haven’t forgotten any of you or your support of the past (almost) 3 years. I so enjoy your notes, cards and emails. I have so much to be thankful for…making hundreds, yes I do mean hundreds, of friends through the blog and my Farmer’s Journey has been a blessing in more ways than I can count.

I file that in my heart and mind as blessings…

Moving forward from 2018…the year my family’s lives changed forever and my Farmer lost his cancer battle…has been and will be a ‘journey’ all of it’s own.

Life throws us curves all the time…not just me but everyone. In general, we all have problems, issues if you will; we tend to make the most of a bad situation when we can or deal with it the best way we know how.

So many people suffered through 2020…people lost loved ones to the pandemic, knew of someone who had it and came through …or heard or read about it every single day. No way to avoid it. Fortunately my family came through it…some tested positive and were very sick, short of hospitalization. Others had to quarantine because someone they knew were positive.

I stayed healthy through it all and was very thankful to receive my 2 vaccinations which lessened the worry considerably.

I can file that under thankful and blessed…

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As some of you know, my granddaughter Logan suffered a Neurological Event (stroke) in late December 2020.

HEADING BACK TO UALBANY…

As of today, she will be heading off to UAlbany on Saturday to begin her ’21-’22 college year. She has come so far since that cold winter’s day in December…months of rehab along with her determination and fortitude to continue her basketball career have come full circle. Tomorrow will be a huge day for her as she has a meeting with the Neurologist and hopefully will be cleared to play…so I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for her.

I will file that under proud, respect, blessed and thankful….

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Three of the grand kids will be taking animals to the Fair this year…Jai and Skylar are taking cows and I hope Cooper will take his goats. They only have 8 dairy animals to choose from now so may only be a couple going but they will be happy to go regardless.

Cooper’s goats are so cute and they love being together. He spends a lot of time playing with them. It has been good for him to have them and I am sure he would do just fine at the fair.

Jai graduated a year ahead. The online classes along with Zoom-meets wasn’t a beneficial or positive experience for him so he took the tests to finish. In June we sat at his graduation with the Class of 2021 filled with pride and happiness as he moves on to the next chapter in his life…he is working off the farm 3 days a week and is hoping to get into welding and fabrication. Good luck to Jai..

I file all of this under happiness, more pride and yes, there will be a fair this year!!!!!

So happy for the kids and the farmers who missed out last year…the Fair will certainly be a God-send this year.

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One very important issue that I can file under grateful to have done has been on my mind for quite a while now; actually ever since my Farmer passed. A tribute to my Farmer’s life in the way everyone acknowledges their loved one has come very hard for me.

My grief counselor had said being a farm couple and basically working side by side the last couple of decades after the kids made their own lives formed a tremendously strong connection as it would have with anybody.

I struggled with deciding what to have on a headstone and the finality of having one made. Some may say it is foolish to think that way but to me he was my life in so many ways that I couldn’t take that step.

Ed had told me after my Dad died that I didn’t have to go to his grave to be with him because he was always with me in my heart…but I missed him so much. I knew what Ed meant and I admitted to him some years later that he was right. My Dad was always there whenever I felt I needed him. My Farmer was there to help me through that loss and to understand it in my own way.

Bottom line for me is that my Farmer is not here to help me understand or accept the loss of my soul mate, my best friend…who kept me sane through tough times…who laughed and cried with me whenever I needed it… the one that held my hand more in his last six months of life and made me feel loved despite what he was going through those last months…

No..it was time to honor my Farmer. I had some health issues over the past year and after taking care of them I started walking more this past Spring and sometimes I would head to the cemetery. For some reason it has helped me move forward and get the tribute to my Farmer in the works…

Having discussed this on his Journey, I knew some of what he would want ( small and simple as he worded it) …I got in the car a few weeks ago and went to meet with a woman who would help put Ed’s/my vision on paper. I left there knowing I did what needed to be done and felt such a feeling of relief but not sadness as I had expected.

I was not selfish in waiting so long to get this done…I took my time and did it when I felt I could honor my best friend, soulmate and love of my life. For the first time in a long time I feel confident in waiting and giving it the thought that , for me, it deserved.

It should be delivered and set in the middle of August and I am also confident that my/his kids and grand kids will love it as much as I do. I will post a photo when it is all finished and honoring my Farmer.

Feeling happy, relieved and confident…filing under the same!

Perhaps after this step is taken and finished I will write more about our Journey…I didn’t realize it at the time but I think he was giving me content for future posts…and I am sorry it took me so long to realize it.

Until next time…I love you Farmer.

Happy Father’s Day Wishes

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I am sending a love filled Happy Father’s Day to my Farmer in Heaven. Thank you for giving me these 4 kids and their 10 kids to keep my days happy ones in one way or another.

We all miss you so much…your love of farming; animals and Mother Earth…your wit and wisdom…your smile and especially the giggle of mischief that was always welcome.

I see all of this more and more in our grand kids. I don’t think a single day has gone by since the day we lost you that I haven’t heard the word ‘Grampy’ in connection to a feeling, idea or just a comment by one or another of my kids or those grand kids. I usually see 5 of them every day or so and it warms my heart to know they keep his spirit alive without even thinking sometimes…the words just flow with love and respect for our Angel in Heaven.

We have gone through some more tough times in the last 3 years and with guidance from the crows and butterflies, not to mention his voice in my head mixed with the feelings in my heart, I have come through with only a few bumps and bruises.

I know I am going on and on, but those of you who have lost someone you have spent the majority of your life with know that these feelings are real…a bit different for each of us…it is the one thing we can hold on to and believe in in our own way.

Butterflies and crows…simple enough for me. Yes, I most certainly read more into them. They are my connection to what was and what will be.

Happy Fathers Day Farmer…from me to you. Love and miss you.

A Reason to Celebrate

I will be the first to admit that when my Farmer was talking about wanting to make these three characters I was a bit apprehensive when he said he wanted them to be life size. But they have grown on me and they do make me smile when I drive in the driveway and see them standing there.

They are a sure sign that my Farmer’s spirit is alive and well; what more could I ask. I often think of all the rainy days and cool evenings that Ed spent in the shop working on these and many more creations. It kept him sane and happy.

I actually took this photo the other day, the first day of warm (really warm) weather and no wind. But I just noticed the shadow on the scarecrow and lion from the welcome sign Farmer made that hangs from the overhang on the milkhouse. Rather fitting I think…

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My reason for celebration is Logan…I have been taking her for rehab therapy at Sunnyview for the past few weeks but today she was fighting a headache and body aches (sore all over as she puts it). Her mom says it is probably a flare-up from the Ankylosing Spondylitis that is common for her; but given all the other things she is dealing with right now I am thankful it isn’t related to the stroke.

Just something else she pushes through with little complaint.

Needless to say that when she went in for her session I prayed for strength for her to get through the rigorous therapy and healing for her body to feel better. Given the fact that she was already aching all over I hoped it wouldn’t be too intense today.

But this girl came out using her crutches and with a smile almost as big as the one she had the day she signed with UAlbany!! (I just didn’t think to get a photo of today’s smile).

As she got into the car she said “They told me I graduated Grammy” so I asked what she meant. The therapist said she is ready to use a cane(s) now as much as she can but the crutches will be backup.

To explain, she can lift her left leg a bit more now with the muscles responding better. Her lower leg is still an issue along with control of the foot but I have no doubt she will be smiling quite frequently in the weeks to come.

And I will get some photos to post here.

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Somewhere over that rainbow …my Farmer is watching and guiding us all. He has taken on Logan’s Journey for now and I am confident that he will have a hand in her recovery. I think if you knew him you would understand what I mean. ( I originally posted this photo on June 29,2018 during Farmer’s cancer battle)

Everything happens for a reason…we may not understand. I don’t. But thinking happy thoughts when I see the scarecrow, the lion and the tin man brings me closer to the man I lost…the loss is always there but I feel him, I hear his voice and his laugh.

So let’s celebrate Logan’s news…somewhere over that rainbow my Farmer is smiling down from the big blue sky and whispering ‘You’ve got this!” I have to believe it.

Until next time….I love and miss you Farmer.

Leaning Towards Positivity…I think

My Farmer’s bull creation stands tall down on the corner in the garden patch…a constant reminder of his desire to create things from others that had lost their usefulness. This fellow was once a hay rake, a culvert and other odds and ends that made his vision come to life.

The poor fella got knocked over in his former location and Jeremy had to do some modifications to help him stand and greet passersby on their way to and from work or whatever their days held. I hope it brings some smiles to those who knew Ed. That was all he wanted to accomplish with his art.

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My Farmer was a great believer in hard work…long hours in the fields were his favorite. Feeling that sense of productivity and working the land was special to him. His stamina was amazing to me…’hard work never hurt anybody’ was something the kids and I heard from time to time.

Of course the kids were all introduced to milking the ladies first, before tractor driving and I am so glad that I could help with that job, too. Both my father-in law and my Farmer milked together in the stanchion barn. Some modifications were made in the barn to add a few more animals and increase milk production which paid the bills.

The dumping station was upgraded to a pipeline…saved on lugging pails so much. Created more to keep clean though. Inspectors liked to see a shiny pipeline that ran just over the cow’s heads on both sides of the barn, also known as Grampy’s side and Dad’s side.

Because Chad and Maggie were the oldest they got to help first. Once in a while there would be a squabble over who would help who but that got quieted with the clearing of a throat…

Jeremy and Jess were 5 and 6 1/2 years younger so about the time they took over the milking helper positions Chad and Maggie moved on to tractor driving and field work.

When the two older ones went off to college Ed investigated milking parlors and free stall barns. That adventure to modernize and become more efficient will be fodder for another post.

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Today is a beautiful day here. 50 degrees and sunny. I went and got my first Covid 19 vaccination with my daughter Maggie and her husband along with Logan. It was very nice of my son-in-law to get appointments for all of us together. Otherwise I would have had to drive out on the 29th on my own for an appointment I had made. Had to travel to Utica but was a nice day for a car ride and with the help of the National Guard and other volunteers we were back home here at 11 am. The process was very well organized. In 3 weeks we go back to get the second one and that will be that…at least until info is learned on how long the protection lasts.

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I took this photo the other day when Logan stayed overnight with me. She was diagnosed with a stroke in December and has been rehabbing at home since February. I have been taking her for her therapy 2 days a week in Schenectady at Sunnyview Rehab Hospital and Mom or Dad take her for numerous specialist’s appointments.

Her left arm is doing well but the leg is slower to respond. It will get there but will just take longer. She rarely uses her wheelchair, just the crutches, and I noticed today that she is able to keep her foot raised enough not to drag which is an improvement from last week.

She will go back to UAlbany Women’s Basketball better than ever and get back to living her dream.

Needless to say we had a great sleepover and Bella was excited to see her.

Logan and cousin Olivia (also a granddaughter) found Bella as a kitten last summer while running on one of the back roads and she found her forever home with Grammy. She is a love…

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The latest addition to the Bejosh family is this little girl.

Jai has always loved Milking Shorthorns and Grampy gave him Vera a number of years ago. She was their family milk cow for a while and has had a number of calves. He was so excited when she had this little heifer last week; her Dad is a Hereford. Isn’t she cute???

Jai’s sister Skylar is a Jersey and Brown Swiss girl. It won’t be long before she has her heifers out for a walk…yes, she takes them out for walks as she would a dog. Photos will be posted as soon as weather permits and you will see just how much she loves them…

For the most part Bejosh is a small beef operation now with the kids milking 5 dairy cows for milk to feed dairy cross calves and 3 pigs. I believe there is one more Swiss to freshen and that will be all for now.

Just knowing that Bejosh lives on with animals and dreams is reassuring. A smaller scale is a good thing. Crops will be planted and hay will be baled. Let the new year begin!!!

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I have been going through Ed’s notebooks of posts from 2016 -’18 along with some notes I made when we were on The Journey…My goal is to write something about those couple of years when we were farming and posting on a regular basis and how the trip west brought us closer and changed our loves forever.

Since Ed’s passing our family has gone through some very stressful and heart tugging times. We are dealing with circumstances of heartache and hurt as are others but pray for healing for all involved.

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So for now I am heading out for a walk with Putz to soak up some sunshine.

Take care…Love you Farmer…

If You Can’t Dream…

Yesterday afternoon I was in a small convenience store and overheard ( with several other people) a 30-40ish woman who turned out to be talking to her mother. Long story short the Mom was saying how she wanted to add some things to her Bucket List and the daughter seemed to be chuckling and poking fun about it. Mom spoke up and said everyone has dreams. “Come on Mom you are too old for that” was the reply she got.

At that point, disregarding the 6 foot distance rule, the woman behind me tapped my shoulder and asked if I had heard that and how thoughtless it was, as the older woman just hung her head. Of course neither one of us said anything but I am sure everyone in line heard the Mother-Daughter exchange.

Of course you all know where this is going…I am probably older than that Mom was and I certainly have dreams. Thinking that I am too old for such things is absurd. I hope and pray I never lose the ability to dream and go to that place, in each of us, where we can be happy…with great expectations beyond belief.

Am I wrong? Don’t we all have dreams we know are out of reach…but for some brief moment just those thoughts that fill the dreams seem to fill us with joy that we don’t quite understand.

Make believe moments…they can make the difference between a day full of dread and one that takes us to happy thoughts. I know that is what gets me through sometimes. The what-if’s can be all it takes.

Maybe I’m crazy thinking this way but the make believe moments, the what-if’s and the dreams are our go-to places when we feel overwhelmed or lost. At least it works for me…and I have to say that my Farmer had a bucket list and dreams. I think, no, I know, that the dreams helped get him through many days. But that is for another post…

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Now let’s move on. I had a great lunch today with two of my granddaughters, Logan and Olivia. Both are UAlbany students and studying virtually.

Logan is recovering from a stroke she had last December while practicing with her UAlbany women’s basketball team. Thank God her trainer recognized what was happening and called 911 immediately. When she got to the hospital they were able to treat her for a stroke and kept it from becoming worse.

Her left side was affected; fortunately her arm has come back about 90% but the leg is taking longer. She is such a strong and determined young woman and it is a blessing to know she is dedicated to being back with the team as soon as she can.

She was with the girls yesterday by invitation from the coaches (the pandemic plays a big part in getting together there) and that was definitely good for her. They laughed and joked which I think they all needed…and everyone was able to see how far she has come. I can only imagine what they were all thinking after Logan left in the ambulance that day.

She is on the mend now and she will get there. It will just take time and patience. Olivia is a big part of her support system and helps in any way she can. It is good for both of them.

I pray for a full recovery for Logan. Your prayers are welcome, too and I will post updates on Logan’s progress.

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I realized the other day that my Facebook friends knew we lost Sadie Goat but that the blog followers didn’t. We lost her late last Fall… November. Unsure what the cause was but she had slowed down quite a bit, staying in with the calves more than spending time out in the free stall with the beef cows and heifers.

She had been at the back door as usual for her favorite Fig Newton and some crackers the evening before she passed. It had gotten to be an every second or third night ritual to come to the door when I let the dogs in…nothing seemed different. She wandered off back to the calf barn as usual.

She had laid down out by the clothesline and passed away there the next morning.

Grandson Jai got to work in the matter of an hour or so of her passing, on a stone to mark her grave which would be out by the milking parlor. He worked on it whenever he had a few extra minutes and a few days later he said it was finished. He took it out and placed it on her grave giving me permission to take a photo (he isn’t crazy about photographs).

I told him I was going to finally write about it tonight and he said I could use the photo so you could all see his handiwork! I think it is beautiful.

Jai’s Handiwork

I know he took great care in grinding the stone and carving Sadie Goat’s name in it. Quite a labor of love!!

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Well, it seems like we have been getting a bit of snow every day lately. The temperature is up in the high 30’s to low 40’s during the day and oh, how good it is to go outside and actually feel the warmth of the sun.

I know I have been rambling on with this post so I will close for now. The cats are sprawled on the dog bed and the dog is curled up on the rug. Oh, by the way, I have another kitty. So there is yet another post story…I guess I am going to be busy!!!

I will be back soon…

Take care and stay safe…I love you Farmer..

Getting it back…

HUGS

When he hugged you it was a loving one…whether filled with laughter or tears you couldn’t help but smile. That is just one of things I miss about my Farmer.

Sometimes, as we all know, a hug is all we need.

Since losing him I have developed a close relationship with 3 great women… as friends and confidantes… who will listen, give advice or simply… hugs. Those women are my go to and I hope I am the same for them.

For the last year and a half I helped a friend of Ed’s and mine through his cancer fight. I didn’t do anything special other than be there as a friend or companion if you will. (*** I met 2 of those special women through him; one was a follower of this blog that I didn’t meet face to face until my Farmer’s funeral and the other was a 16 year companion to one of his good friends. The third one is a longtime waitress that we knew from a local diner and connected with her through the blog and frequent lunches at the diner when Ed was still up to it***)

The friend I speak of was our hoof trimmer and his wife our mail lady. We had developed a friendship over the years…the occasional dinner out … Ed or Bill initiated …Peg or I planned.

Ultimately, Bill and I had Ed and Peg in common. So it wasn’t a question of whether I would help Bill but rather what could I DO to help him through his illness. He helped me by just talking with me after I lost Ed. I helped with rides to treatments when the pandemic hit and his closest relatives couldn’t take him…he always wanted to stay busy and in his own home…I helped to make that possible for him. I like to think I helped him in those last months; at least as much as I could. Going to his house sometimes 3x’s a day or spending the biggest part of a day with him his last couple of weeks was hard at times as it brought to mind all those days with my Farmer…however, I was doing the right thing when no one else could…I was only a few miles away and I have a good boss that told me to take all the time I needed to help our friend. She even visited him and cooked for him (Maggie, I love you for being there for him as well)

So, to tie this all together I am very thankful that I could help Bill these last months. However, the most important thing to me now is that Bill is in Heaven with Peg and their daughter they lost at the age of 15. His girls. He had no qualms about dying due to his strong faith and beliefs. He passed on January 5th…his way…at home with his minister, as it so happened.

Okay so now I can get back to my 3 great friends…After Ed and I returned from The Journey trip and while he felt up to it, he would say let’s go to the diner …where Karen was always ready for good conversation and opened her heart to my Farmer’s cancer fight with words of understanding and encouragement. They would also talk about places we had seen on the trip and that tickled my Farmer to know that Karen had followed his Journey on the blog.

Donna was also a follower that would comment on many of the posts… with old farm or animal stories that they both related to. He especially enjoyed her comments because the two of them “had a connection” he would say…oldtimer sayings…rodeo stories and talk about Painted Pony Rodeo in Lake Luzerne where her husband worked all those years ago. I wish they had the chance to really connect face to face. He would have loved that!! Fortunately for me, I met her at Ed’s funeral when Bill accompanied her.

That third friend, Roberta, has become a a dear one due in part to her connection to Bill. Her companion was one of Bill’s best friends. She lost him last Fall and that is another thing we have in common…widow-hood, if you will. She is a nurse and we are looking forward to going on a hike this Spring.

The point of this rambling is that I love the fact that my Farmer is indeed connected to what I have experienced these past 2 1/2 years. He is responsible for me having friends that I probably wouldn’t have met otherwise at this time in my life. Being able to help Bill in his time of need was in part due to us having cows and becoming friends with our hoof trimmer and our mail lady.

So yes, as I told a friend earlier today, I ‘hear and see’ Ed all the time and I know it is his message to me that he is watching over me. Of course no one else has these same connections as I do… I have constant reminders of our lives here at Bejosh which I am forever grateful.

Our kids and grand kids certainly miss him terribly…but it gives me assurance that he left this world an enormous legacy of adults and children who will pass on all those things that they saw in their Grampy, learned from him and felt from his loving heart in hugs.

We all miss our loved ones eventually…from parents, spouses, siblings or friends…those we have lost leave a void that cannot be filled. We all deal in our own way. From day to day I miss something different…

Hugs…His hug. Today that is what I miss.

I love and miss you Farmer.

Some Things Cannot be Changed…

 

As everyone knows these past few months have been a challenge.

School work certainly weighed quite a few down but somehow they got through. Being a home school teacher isn’t for everyone. I personally cannot get over the way simple math is being taught. Makes me wonder if it is because students depend on computers so much for typical classes and answers can be looked up so readily on phones also. They need to show the work but I think they should get credit for ‘overtime’….

The grandkids that are here everyday welcomed the school closings but not the work they were required to do for school at home.

Jai and Skylar were very eager to pitch in on the farm’s daily work load. Of course it worked out great as pasture fences needed fixing, fields needed to be fit for seeding with oats and grass. I am sure you have guessed who enjoyed the field work here this spring…Jai did a lot of the plowing and discing with his father and Skylar joined the pack to pick stone…not altogether happily, but I didn’t hear any complaints either.

Jai also did most of the seeding down and rolling. Beats school every time!!! He also prepared fields for corn seed with his Dad.

Jeremy has to split his time most days with delivering gravel, setting up screen and keeping everything in working order. Then he does any number of tasks here. Never a dull moment for him. He and Allison are a great team…reminds me of back in the day…

Of course we have moved on to hay baling and this is where Skylar can put her John Deere tractor to work…she has done a great job of tedding while brother or Dad mows or has even been sent on her own to ted a field close by but far enough away to add to her feeling of independence. She can do it….

My job with Maggie has been put on hold due to the quarantine…perhaps in the next few weeks we will get back on schedule. However, we will be in a beautiful new office thanks to Tony, who worked on it during his quarantine…

So despite all the drawbacks of the pandemic we have all come through with minor drawbacks.

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We said goodbye to a good friend, fellow farmer and neighbor a few weeks ago. Lenny had a very traumatic accident in 2016 and was limited as to what he could do around the farm but always did what he could.

Unfortunately, his loss was quite unexpected and the community showed it’s respects with a tractor parade in his honor. I must say it was a beautiful way to show his family how much he was loved and will be missed.

Jai and his Mom drove one tractor and Dad and Skylar drove her new one…Len was an International lover but I don’t feel he would have minded in the least bit that a few green ones and blue ones showed their love to this farmer and friend.

Tractors, wagons, side by sides, trucks, grain trucks just kept coming…what a show of respect for his family. A wonderful tribute!!!

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Then on to graduations…our granddaughter Logan had her ceremony in the school parking lot and then a parade of seniors; with fireworks following at dusk. Just not the same but nice, memorable.

I didn’t get very good photos for some reason…a lot of shadows and glares! But this one seemed to be a good one. Logan is the one in the middle with the tallest of arms!!!! The three amigos, so to speak, were together for that.

Logan, Ally and Emily have been best friends since elementary school and have a bond like no other. It will be interesting to see where the future takes each one but one thing is certain…their friendship will sustain them for years to come!!!!!

Because of the lack of students who came to the athletic field after the parade the group was pretty small but that was fine…hopefully good memories were made out of the situation.

So it is on to UAlbany for Logan…on to bigger and better things…Her dream of playing college basketball is just ahead and the WNBA will be watching I am sure.

I pray for a great college experience for her…

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I made the decisions to put Grissom and Stella to sleep…Grissom had very large tumors on his chest that had grown in between his body and his front legs which were causing him to breath heavily along with not being able to stand and walk for any length of time.

When these tumors first appeared they were very close to his heart so surgery wasn’t a good option. He had 4 more good years before the last few months were becoming a problem with the size of them.

He was my tractor riding buddy and I am truly missing him….

Stella was having chronic problems with ear infections and mites which I treated 5 times since Christmas with little affect. She was shaking her head and digging along with having a discharge that was horrendous.  Despite attempts that had worked before but were no longer helping her I just couldn’t watch her suffer with it any longer; and I do feel it was right thing for her.

My Farmer and these two are all watching over us and running through the fields of green…

I am down to 2 dogs…Miss Putz and Lovey…Miss Putz is same age as Grissom and Stella…Lovey is year older.

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So because of all the little rain storms lately, this rainbow was a welcome sight the other evening.

I reminds me that even though we go through the worst of times there is beauty on the other side.

Our struggles can be horrible and we may think it will never get better…but I thank God that He brings us through and helps with our struggles regardless of what they are.

I was inspired by a very serious situation that could have had an extremely devastating outcome…but instead, for me,  it renewed my faith that regardless of how hopeless and depleted the particular experience is, a call to prayer can make a difference; and when it is called by a small community of loving and caring individuals and is His will, a miracle can happen. AMEN!

And those circumstances were forcing me to face some things I needed to reconcile in my own life; I can only change my own feelings…no one else’s.

I have been putting some personal issues in His hands over the last couple of years.  Some have cost me the loss of people who mean the world to me but feel I am only out to hurt them. Definitely not the case.

I understand that it can be hard for some people to move in a positive direction. I afforded them apologies and explanations that fell on deaf ears to a reply of no because they had to think of themselves.

I can let some of these things go knowing I tried. I only hurt myself with constantly wishing things were different. I did my part.

Am I feeling better about such things? In some ways yes, others no. As much as it hurts I know in my heart I did what was called for at the time. My door is always open.

I was reading some Daily Peace wisdom this morning and to paraphrase, it said it is harder to keep up a selfish and jealous attitude concerning others because it will eat at you; whereas knowing apologies and explanations (which I feel I extended early on) can be the beginning of healing.

So after thinking about it for a year and a half I feel I did face my demons directly and  tried to rectify my side of the situation. I have a happier heart knowing I tried. I am no longer taking the responsibility for it not working out and moving on.

Sadly, I did the things that were asked of me…just leave them alone. Done but not easily.

I apologize if this offends anyone…writing is healing for me and given circumstances recently that brought this situation to the forefront I need to heal.

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Everyone take care and stay safe!!!!

Happy 4th of July!!!!

Love to all. Farmer I miss you, especially now.

 

Life goes on here…

A couple of weeks ago my white chickens and all but these 2 others went to join Jai and Skylar’s due to the fact that they did not want to stay in their yard here. They could be found perching on the hay elevator in the hay mow and you can imagine what that was looking like….they do not get down to do a bathroom trip during the night!!!

So anyway, I ended up with a rooster in trade, kind of. Perhaps these two ladies will get friendly with ‘Walter” and hatch out some babies and we will start all over again!!!

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With this Virus self-quarantine or self-preservation as I call it and all that is going on with closings of businesses I can pretty much agree with most of the precautions … However, as you can probably guess, simply by knowing me, I am totally flabbergasted at the # of milk processors that are refusing to pick up milk  at farms all over the place.

Granted it probably is being blown out of proportion but it should be a wake-up call for everyone. I have heard of some stores that have empty whole milk spaces in their coolers and when asked about it they say they are sold out of it.

Over the last year I have been tickled pink that whole milk is finally getting the credit it deserves. My Farmer would be dancing a happy dance because of it. As you know, he touted the advantages of drinking whole milk for just about our entire marriage and also on the Blog for a few years. We even had some converts tell us how they had switched because of Ed’s information. Go Whole or Go Home!!!

Well, with these hard working farmers having to dump their milk because they have no one who will take it, I feel especially sad for them. Why can’t these big wigs in government see what is going on right here in our own country. A few weeks ago we didn’t have enough…yeah, I know schools and restaurants have closed and that is a big part of the problem. But those school kids still need  milk to drink and I would pray it is still a part of at least maybe 2 out of three meals a day for others as well.

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Farmers have to plan way ahead from season to season…order corn seed in the fall to save money, but they have to know how many acres they are planning to plant in the spring and order accordingly.

Order any new seeding material for spring planting/seeding…again, planning ahead saves $.

Also, ordering fertilizer to apply when planting the corn/grass seed is important and can be ordered and paid for in the fall or early winter to save $ rather than doing it all in the spring.

If they don’t cultivate their corn fields to keep the weeds from growing faster than the plants themselves, they probably have a commercial spraying outfit come in and spray with weed killer that will let the corn grow tall enough to form a canopy; and the canopy prevents the sun from reaching the weeds under it, thus curtailing the growth of them.

Then most farms move on to baling or chopping hay. Some do both but Mother Nature has a big say as to when it can be done and which method is used… 3 or 4 cuttings usually come to fruition if they are blessed with good weather.

Eventually the corn gets chopped and/or picked and  put in bunks or silos to feed the animals through the long winter until this entire process of planting and seeding  can be started all over again.

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I didn’t even mention the equipment costs….fuel, oil…routine maintenance isn’t free.

New plow parts are a given if any amount of plowing is done. We are fortunate to be on gravel which can be easy to plow but rocky.

As you who followed this blog over the years have seen through our videos and photos breakdowns can be costly in more ways than one. Money , time, labor don’t come cheap.

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Getting back to the farmers who are having to dump their milk…this is a tremendous loss for them. For the most part they are preparing for spring planting…they may not have been fortunate enough to have purchased the seed and fertilizer ahead of time.

Praying for some diversification is what a lot of them will be doing…but with what is going on now very few people will be making unnecessary  purchases.

Please keep this in mind when you go grocery shopping and see the whole milk in the coolers or lack of it. Having to pour your heart and soul down the drain is the only option for some. The cows have to be milked at least twice a day to stay healthy I would say.

Don’t get me wrong…I know what is happening around the world…people are dying because of the Virus. We all need to stay home and be safe. But there are people out there who are carrying more stress and pressure than is acceptable.

I won’t get started on the meat, eggs, milk by-products that are commonly produced by these farmers also. And those veggie farmers? We are going backward…my Farmer used to say that people will get hungry when these hard times come to pass…well I think some will get thirsty, too. Way too much is taken for granted is my opinion.

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So I will get off my ‘high horse’ so to speak; Bejosh is dealing with all of this tough situation as every one else is…keep close to home and be safe…

I plan to post more either tonite or tomorrow on more lighter topics along with more photos…for some reason I have had trouble down loading some other photos I took today besides the new Walter Rooster one. It tells me an error occurred but I didn’t think I did anything different.

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Until next time, stay safe and healthy all……Love you Farmer!!!

PS..Perhaps you could let me know what is keeping you occupied these days.

I Call It Self-Preservation!

 

Last week we enjoyed some pretty nice warm days…for some that was about the only enjoyment they had…. The CoronaVirus has caused everyone to make a big decision; self quarantine or take some big chances. Not just for ourselves but for the world.

I prefer to call my decision self-preservation. I am blessed to be able to go outside and take a walk if I choose; alone most of the time but I don’t bother anyone else due to the Bejosh properties that are large enough to get away on and enjoy the fresh air. Sometimes Putz (in the left picture) will tag along which is good for her as well as me. Only problem there is the darned ticks!

Not doing any shopping to speak of due to being blessed with farm grown meat and milk. Just pick up necessities…No TP to be found, though I do have some!!!. But sticking close to home is the best for all of us at this time.

Oliver, the yellow kitty in the window and Odie, the black one under him (I know you have to look really hard to see him, but he is there) are watching the birds at the bird feeders. The kids got these two barn cats last fall from farm friends Jay and Terry Andrew…Basically for keeping the mouse population down in the barn which they have done rather nicely.

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My sidekick…

Our dogs are part of the family in our hearts. Unfortunately,  Grissom is battling with some fatty tumors in his chest and along the underside of his is body. I was told by 2 different vets that they could not be removed because they are too close to his heart, even when they were only the size of an egg. They have grown fast since my Farmer passed and are taking over his body now.

Now he is experiencing some breathing issues once in a while and is coughing too.

Last night was a good night. I have been sleeping part of the night in the recliner so I can hear if there is a problem and since he cannot go up the stairs to bed with me.

He seemed to sleep for a longer period of time without any problems but I know the days of relative good quality of life are numbered now. It breaks my heart because he is one of the youngest ones I have now and has pretty much been my constant companion.

He used to love to ride on (in) the tractors with me, especially my cab tractor when doing hay in the hot weather; we both enjoyed the AC!! And there wasn’t much room in that tractor for the two of us. Once in a while he would get out and chase crows and field mice but the AC was so inviting!

So if you have a minute and if you are so inclined, please say a little prayer for my big guy. I would really appreciate it…and perhaps for Lovey, too. She has developed some tumors on her belly.  She is older and is having no problems yet.

Thank you so much.

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On to more fun stuff!!!!

 

Jai and Skylar got busy (along with Dad and Mom) boiling some sap for a couple of days. Not sure how much they ended up with but it sure will be good on homemade pancakes and french toast.

These kids are what makes this lifestyle so worthwhile…they have done things that most children their ages wouldn’t think of doing. And I think they could make it through the worst of times; just being together and putting what they have learned in life so far to use in sustaining a healthy lifestyle is most important, especially today..

Also, Skylar and big sister Jayda painted one of the steer skulls we have. They researched some Native American symbols to put on it. As soon as it gets hung up I will get some better photos, but I think it is very pretty and tells a tale of it’s own.

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Last week was a good weather week for the most part…

I took this last Monday from my living room window…I guess I was thinking I would compare it to one from last spring but never did. The Corona thing got in the way. Changing my intention (as of yesterday) I took another one of basically the same area, again out the window, but look, things have changed…

 

Yesterday we got a pretty heavy snowfall. When I looked out the window this morning I noticed the 3 little birds in the tree, center, and was wondering what they are thinking…I did try to get as close as my trusty phone would zoom out!!!

You see, we as humans are not the only ones dealing with our own forms of adversity. I am certain these little beings are wondering ‘what in the devil is going on here with all this cold, white stuff again after some pretty nice days?’

So much so that  they cleaned out the bird feeders that I refilled over the weekend in anticipation of the snow.  Supposed to be around 48 degrees today and I am going to refill them yet again for those little friends. And because the cats in the window don’t venture out to this side of the barn (yet) I am sure they will be safe eating at those feeders in front of the barn and milk house.

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Okay, okay….I have shared enough for now.

I ask that we all look for something good in our lives today…family, friends.

I am especially blessed to be the mother of 4 and Grammy to more. I do fear for their health and safety…

Believing the plan for this life has already been set by the Almighty or whom ever you may believe in, is my anchor in this time of chaos in the world. I think we all need something to believe in.

Staying true to our faith is essential to me…And yes, we all have those things we think are contributing to our safety and well- being…the unseen, unheard powers and feelings.

I ( and I speak just for me) have a very special power watching over me and helping me stay safe along with my God….

 

My Farmer, the love of my life is watching over me and our family. Despite what we have been through, the good and the bad, he is guiding me through this . I feel that one day we will all stand tall as a loving, caring group despite life’s curve balls…My Farmer wouldn’t have it any other way.

Everyone needs something to believe in…

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So until next time stay safe and healthy. I am counting on it.

LOVE AND PRAYERS FROM BEJOSH FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE…especially for Melissa my sister and Bill, a close friend…and those who have a special need.

Until next time…Love you Farmer!!!!

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P.S. Sorry for this but I want to share….

I just heard from my daughter that the results from the blood work my grandson had done last week just came back…because of his auto-immune disease he has some very bad days at times and with the latest pandemic he was tested for the virus (no results yet) and some other things…platelets, red and white cell count, organ functions…as usual the list goes on simply because he was having some of those bad days and lost a good amount of weight, had high fever and very enlarged lymph nodes.

But this is what is kind of a “normal” for him…good days and bad days and even worse days at times.

Any way, he is going to an ENT surgeon today (they were thinking of doing a biopsy on the lymph nodes before all this virus stuff) and also had more blood work done this morning to make sure he is getting better…he says he feels much better and the fever has come back down.

As I said before I am working with my daughter now but not for the foreseeable future so I don’t see them face to face to be able to tell you how he looks…but I know he and his immediate family can use some positive vibes and prayers if you so choose… Thank you….

Rudy and his Lion                          Remember Rudy????  July 2016