Putz licks off baby DooDah!!! Spring 2016!
Now that it is known what’s under or should I say not under my kilt, here is more of the story of me walking like a duck!…After my change of clothes in the back of my Father’s Dodge Lancer, it was Emergency Room or Bust; and old lead foot thought going fast meant flying over our pothole laden roads…seems some things never change…that doesn’t work! As I flopped like a rag doll, they heard words they probably didn’t know!
Upon skidding to a halt at our destination, all I saw was about 10 steps to a landing, then 10 more and voila…the door! Come to find out later, that wasn’t the right door, but no matter, I crawled into the hallway where after banging on a few doors and windows, help arrived.
Help enough o send us down that hall, u one more flight of stairs, turn right or was it left, down four doors to the waiting room. Great place, six straight backed, non-cushioned chairs; absolutely nothing to hold my leg up with or on, except these slabs of hardwood! Screams of horror brought a nurse every time my foot hit the floor or chair , from arm cramps from trying to hold it up. Each time she assured us the ‘tech’ has been called to do some x-rays.
Hell, I hadn’t even seen a doctor yet at the two hour mark…yeah, I was watching that big clock on the wall, cause it was about then my sister came in with her big-ass wicker handbag, thank God, and it would hold my leg up off the floor. Even better, my sister screamed to the nurse to get pillows. (Mother, 2 hours and you never thought to ask for pillows??) Oh, yes, you were too busy licking your fingers to wipe ship spots off my face…damn it they’re freckles…or fix my hair, don’t forget check my ears!!!
Well anyway, at hour 3 they handed me crutches with a ‘follow me!. Shit yea, be right on your heels! I looked like a hog on ice, slip-sliding my way down that hall, luckily just two doors down! The ways I had to turn my leg so they could get the shots they needed on that cold table were all me, cause when that jackrabbkt grabbed it the first time saying ‘lets turn it like this’ got a response like ‘Touch my foot again and you’re a dead man’! His approach became a ‘can you please and thank you.’
After the final pictures, two nurses followed me across the hall where in another room, I climbed onto another table; a short one, cause when I looked down, Mr Right was sitting up straight as could be, and old Lefty was nothing but a heel! It was starting to hit me that this was a serious case of which way do they go!!!
Enter Doc with the first 2 x-rays, which he put on that thing on the wall! As he rubbed his chin with his head tilted I could hear him humming! Then he came over to the table I was on, grabbed my foot yanking it back up to semi’straight mumbling something about it being a bad sprain…by then my father was standing next to the slab I was on , grabbing Doc’s hand and arm, which he later said was quite forceful and I yelled kick his ass… For some reason old Doc backed off and Mr Tech from across the hall walked in with an armful off x-rays which showed 15 or so big and little breaks in that badly SPRAINED ankle area!!
After some respectful maneuvering of my led, Doc and the two nurses put on a walking cast up to my knee with an 8 week timeline until ‘we aren’t sure what we will do then’…
At that point it was crutches get used, then cut back to just one in two weeks; then walk on that big green knob made into the cast on the bottom of your foot. ‘Oh, it will swell and itch, use a coat hanger, one nurse whispers! By then I was ‘fought out’ and come to grips with the pain; just needed sleep!
Next time, Eddie’s time line and how a real walking cast is made…