Last Saturday night while in the midst of dropping my 30lbs of sludge, like they talk about in that dieting commercial, while also noticing my number 2 isn’t even a number 3, another classic commercial..it started!!!!
At first I thought I was talking to the field stone fireplace in the room where I had crashed in the recliner…trying to edge myself into the fetal position…
My story to the fire place began explaining how I’ve never had this happen before…my body has never failed me!…From around 7 years of age it has been up…dress…out! I was responsible to help milk, feed calves…chickens…rabbits…a pony…donkey…sheep dogs…they all depended on me, the leader of the pack!
To be honest, up until last Friday, I can not remember a day due to being sick…not injured…didn’t do what felt I was meant to do! This time my mind kept saying go, while my body just couldn’t respond!
Hearing the milker pumps running, then the skid steer go by then back…Kept telling those field stones just over the mantle…where my eyes seemed to focus now, over and over how bad I had failed!
All night long it was flop into the chair after a quick throne run to gaze back at that one spot…to go thru all parts of my life…telling all…Things like eating smarter…was even making menus, organizing a better life I thought!
As I am spilling my guts literally and figuratively in the dark of night, that small area of stones above the mantle seemed to be ‘lighted’ and those stones turned into this jolly face of a bald headed older man…with bushy eyebrows, a big round nose atop this big mustache, only dwarfed by his protruding chin!!!
As we talked I asked why the shiny, bald head…Oh, he said, I rubbed it that way, thinking I could change what it is…Hmmm, I thought, well, how about your big nose? Well that’s cause I always thought I had to be right there, right now …Now I know if the right foundation, there things will stand!!!
That mustache kinda big? I asked…Yea his answer, don’t enjoy shaving! Me too, I said!…Could I ask one more thing? His reply, I know, why the long chin? Yes, I said! Well it’s like this…every time I had to make a decision, I would stroke my chin…you know, should I do this or should I do that??/ And this is all I got from all that indecision…one big, ugly chin!!! That part I don’t have to shave…Rubbed the hair off!!!
As I tried to chuckle from his comments, full nighttime darkness seemed to settle into the room again!…Early the next morning I told Carol I would go to the doctor….and I am still looking over the fireplace….