My Farmer and Me…The Good and the Bad

Well, we are home…I am sure my Farmer and I agree that we both had a wonderful time…

After 46 years, we got to really know each other…we had some long talks about those years…the good and the bad…mostly things we all take for granted. Sadly.

The photo of him in front of Mt. Rushmore is by far my favorite of the last 18 days. He had walked all the way from the parking lot to the terrace where the closest photos of the men can be taken.

Then he had a great conversation with another vacationer while I was in the gift shop; which only added to the magic of the mountain.

The next day was when I noticed him having trouble walking…while visiting a civil war cemetery he was using his walking stick and noticeably dragging his left foot. It was getting bad enough that I was afraid he would trip himself up.

But I would just tell him to take his time and pick up his foot a little higher… he did this with no complaints.

But it was getting to him and shortly thereafter he wanted to head home. No regrets about the decision…we had both been away long enough.

Last night he fell in the kitchen due to the fact that his left side has gotten very weak over the past few days…I just think neither one of us realized how weak. I had a hard time getting him up but succeeded in getting him to his bed.

Getting up in the night was not to be achieved but was dealt with…However, he could not stand up at all this morning…the left side isn’t cooperating at all. I am praying it is from the long road trip causing fatigue…but we both know better.

Most all of the kids have been here today to see him…he tells them how proud he is of them…each different from the next…but oh, so proud. The depth of his love for them is spoken without hesitation.

Tears are shed freely…my Farmer says his mind is perfect but his body is failing him. He doesn’t have the strength to fight the way he should ( I am hoping that will change)… his cancer is talking to him, telling him it is winning.

But this is too quick…he has no pain…his anxiety is building. We talked about this happening and how we would deal with it when it did..but not this soon.

Taking time for granted is a big mistake but one we have made. Dear God, please give him strength and understanding…we are not giving up on him this quick so please show us how to accept this as my Farmer has. I ask that You help him keep some dignity.

I will write some more tomorrow… Thank you for being a part of our journey… it means more than you know…

P.S. Our daughter-in-law just brought a motorized wheelchair for my Farmer… thank you Ike Powers and Allison.

38 Comments

  1. Dear Bejosh Family,
    Thank you for keeping all of us, your extended family, up to date on Ed’s progress….you do such a great job of conveying the news, even though it is news which seems way too soon, we are heartened by all the love surrounding you, and knowing that so many helpers are there to get Ed out and around, or whatever any of you wishes. The core of human nature personified.
    May this love continue to sustain you and bring you peace. It is wonderful that you and Ed had the trip and were able to get to the places you wished to see.

    Love and hugs on this beautiful Sunday.
    Marcia

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  2. Been thinking about you; wondering how you have been doing.It´s been on my mind how this cancer will progress and I understand that the rapid change causes some concern ( panic). In my country we have “home care service” to relieve relatives so they can be “only” husband and wife or parents and children. That is hard enough to be, without all the practical duties. Hope you will get all the help you need and don´t wait too long to ask for advise and help. I know it is hard when you are used to be your own manager. Praying for clear vision and strength in what lies ahead.
    Take care
    Ida

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  3. Dear Lord,
    We all love Carol and Ed even though many of us have never met them. We pray that Your angels are always by their side and we ask that You give Ed and Carol the strength to get thru this journey in their lives. We are very thankful that there is no pain and we pray that Ed is here on this side for awhile longer. We know Your will be done and are thankful for the days you have given all of us. Thank You Lord for Your grace and mercy. And we thank You for listening to all of our prayers. And I know there have been many.
    In Jesus’ name we pray,
    Amen

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  4. Carol, you write so beautifully, I want to thank you and Ed for sharing such a difficult time with your journal readers. It is a sacred time for all of you. Your and Ed’s love and strength shine a light for others with terminal illness and debilitating conditions. I was a hospice nurse for many years and one of the many gifts my work gave me was to be a witness to the love people share at this time in their lives. Sending love and prayers to you and Ed and your family.

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  5. Thank you for writing so beautifully during this difficult and painful time in your life. Peace be with you both.

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  6. Thank you, Carol, for taking the time to be in touch with all of us. I’ve been hoping to hear from you and hoping Ed had renewed strength. The news isn’t encouraging, but it is so good to hear that Your Farmer is not in pain. Time is so precious. I hope you and Ed will be blessed with a lot more time to talk and reminisce and to share love among family and friends. Embrace every minute. Prayers and love from Virginia.

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  7. Ed and Carol,
    Welcome home. If Ed had to fall what a soft place to land. We have and will continue to pray that Ed will not have pain. We have shed some tears as well. Tell Ed if the new chair doesn’t work out Tom can bring over the Kabota and but him in the bucket. What a site that would be. All of our love, prayers and thoughts for you both until we get to the farm.
    Tom and Terry

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  8. No one can ever tell what the next day will bring..you are right, this is too fast..you both must be exhausted both mentally and physically …I feel so close to you both, as do so many others…strangers that try to lift you just a bit and send constant prayers…you have your hands full, so don’t worry about the blog…..you will catch us up when you can …it is incredibly hard to put into words what is happening, but you do it beautifully…I wish we could have met and talked farming, cows, dogs, fairs, Pennsylvania . .. ..the list goes on and on…..love to you all…

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  9. I have only talked to you briefly at the Washington County Fair briefly because I love your Brown Swiss, but since I have been reading your blog I feel like I have known both of you forever. I am so happy that you were able to take your trip filled with memories and time for quiet conversation with no chores to worry about. Now it’s time to be home with family and friends and treasure every day. It was difficult to read your blog today, Carol. Thank you for sharing your lives on the blog because so many care about both of you and hold you in our hearts. If you need time away we understand that too. Hugs for both of you.

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  10. So glad you are home! Thanks again for sharing all of your wonderful memories. The motorized chair will be great! No speeding! Again, thanks for sharing and glad you are “back by the Crik”. Prayers and love. Linda Russell Illinois

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  11. Sending you, and Ed, my continued support, love, and healing prayers
    for the strength that you both need…….
    So glad that you are home, safely, and with family. 💕

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  12. We are indeed praying for you and the Farmer. So often we wish we could talk with you two again. Thankful that he’s not in any pain. Sorry to hear that he fell. Seems like his body is getting weaker. Glad you made it home safely.

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  13. reading this my heart hurts for you all. your right, it’s all too soon.
    happy that he was able to make the trip to where his spirit felt at home. I’m seeing it as I’m sure you all do..a blessing that he is home with family. thank you so much for posting despite all you have going on.
    from my heart to all of yours..hugs and love.

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  14. Glad you are home and safe. God bless you both and may the good Lord keep His arms around your Farmer and give him peace and s feeling of pure love that only He can give. Peace and prayers to you both and your family as well.

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  15. I am praying for strength for all of you! And sending a hug. It is good that you got to spend that special time together, just the two of you. And it is good that you have each other.

    On Fri, Jun 8, 2018, 7:33 PM Bejosh Farm Journal wrote:

    > bejoshfarm posted: ” Well, we are home…I am sure my Farmer and I agree > that we both had a wonderful time… After 46 years, we got to really know > each other…we had some long talks about those years…the good and the > bad…mostly things we all take for granted. Sadly. ” >

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  16. Glad your home….prayers for the two of you. He needs to rest up. Thankfully you are home again and Ed will feel lots better….

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  17. Oh Carol, this was hard to read but I know not nearly as hard as it for the two of you and your family. Please know that I am keeping you both in my prayers…..Hugs to you both.

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  18. Glad your home!! We’ll keep praying for more time and the wisdom and strength to walk thru this!!
    Thank you for sharing this!

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  19. Sending you both continued love and prayers! You entire journey from the first video I ever saw of you both baling square bales up until the current posts have moved me deeply. May God bless you both each and every day!!! With love~~~

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