Moving forward into the new decade…

Ed and Lovey n

Hello my friends! Hope the new decade has started off with all that is good for all of you. And most of all I pray that it continues to shine a positive light to draw you forward.

I have been going through photos and some of my Farmer’s writing from good and not-so-good days. This photo was taken on one of the days we picked out animals to sell in order to down size shortly after his cancer diagnosis. It was one of his last trips to the freestall and his beloved cows on his own power.

Every where I look here I am reminded of 45+ years of living this farm life together…teaching our kids what it was all about; love for animals under their care, love of the land that provided the feed for those animals,. Hard work was a daily requirement.

We were afforded a few getaways when the kids were here to carry on  while we were gone and for that we always appreciated their help. I know they needed to prove it was possible for them to keep things going.

Then moving on to the point when our children found other interests …jobs off the farm…girlfriends…boyfriends and eventually to building families of their own. I love them all dearly.

I hate to admit this, but it needs to be said: We pushed hard and perhaps expected more than they were willing/able to give…following Dad’s example was very demanding. Not attending school functions or sports games and just expressing verbal interest in what they were into was hard on them.

The support they needed was overlooked. Farmer would give advice when asked about different things but wasn’t willing to drift very far from his lifestyle for even an afternoon or evening.

Of course there were exceptions but few…it really wasn’t until he and I were here alone and I was doing most of the milking with him doing feeding and other chores in the later years  that he would even attend a Town Board meeting. He was responsible for the success of Bejosh and I was his helper. That was the way it had to be at that point.

You are probably asking yourselves why I am writing all of this…believe me when I say it has taken a great deal of soul searching and recognizing that those years had greatly influenced where we are today as the Bejosh family.

Strained relationships and hard feelings within our little tribe were directly influenced by the fact that we seemed to stay in the “old days” and were not willing to move into the ’80’s, ’90’s and the new century regarding how things got done around here.

The biggest (and basically only) transition was with the milking parlor and freestall. For that I am grateful. During conversations about other ‘upgrades’ so to speak,  ideas were put to bed by keeping to the old methods. Yes, for the most part they did work…yes, he did relent to putting up silage in those huge white bags which he found to be a welcome change from the amount of waste there was to bunks/silos.

He certainly did what he thought was best and for the most part I agreed…However looking back I can see where some of the past mistakes and moving on has laid a kind of foundation for heartache.

I am not writing this because I want to bash anyone, especially Ed. God knows he loved his family more than any of them realized, I think. And they showed their love for him by showing up and pitching in when he needed them most…April 25,2018.

I have great respect for the man who gave me 4 great kids and a good life. But I do realize that things are what they are, relationships are what they are, due in part to the past unintentional failures as parents first and farmers second by us both.

He is not here to express this to anyone…and not having him here has forced me to look at things a bit differently, more honestly, for myself and our children. We have all made mistakes and I for one, admit it.

I think of myself as a loving, caring person who would help when needed regardless of the cost, be it physical, emotional or financial. Whenever called for I will give opinions that I think are advantageous to the situation…be there for anyone and everyone.

I am offering up this post to anyone who may need help with a situation such as strain in the family dynamic. It isn’t easy to be this honest but I hope in some way someone will identify a problem they are having and be able to relate to what I have written.

I look back over the years and feel great love throughout. The love part hasn’t changed but the other parts can use some work…family is of the utmost importance to me and that is what makes it so hard to be where I am.

Apologies from me haven’t worked…this isn’t a happy place for me personally, right now. I do vow to work on feeling better and by writing this I do.

I pray no one is offended or hurt by this…just trying to face some things.

Happy 2020 to all my followers. I started out this post with intentions to put up a few pictures of recent happenings and thoughts for the future here…I am sorry I got sidetracked.Sunset with new iPhone

I got a new iPhone and tried out the camera on it by taking this photo of a sunset last week…believe it or not, it was much darker than it portrays when I snapped it so I am impressed.

Meet Cookie the rabbit who has a brand new hutch here in the house with me…I have to be careful because of the dogs so it is his fortress when he isn’t on my lap!

And also this cute little red and white Holstein from Uncle Bud for Jaiboy. Ed’s brother sold his milk cows as did I and people are literally driving in buying up his heifers. He is afraid he wouldn’t have any left so got this one last weekend. Instead of it being a Bejosh heifer we now have a ByGolly one!! Thank you Uncle Bud!!  And Jai is over the moon with gratitude.. (Hope the elevator is working out for you! )

Had a date for breakfast last week…Cooper…isn’t he one handsome dude?

And went to a UAlbany game last weekend and caught the Great Dane’s mascot in full garb…Logan will be on the court with them next fall/winter. So exciting!!!

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Also giving a shout out to all the grandkids who headed back to college in NY, NH and Wisconsin after Christmas break…good luck and love you.


Ok…so I will say Happy New Year once again to all who follow this…writing this post has been therapeutic for me and I thank you…

Until next time…you are in my thoughts.

26 Comments

  1. I really enjoy reading your posts about your life before and after your husband’s death. My husband passed in August and I was left pretty much destitute. I was being evicted from my apartment of 27years . My husband’s pension took 4 months to start. I gave up my belongings , my life and my parrots to relocate to Arizona. Luckily I had friends that were willing to take me in. Can’t live on $1100.00/month social security , but now the pension has started, I am ok financially. I was lucky I had them. I miss my husband and really miss my birds . Luckily they are in a good home. My brother and sister in law still don’t understand why I left. The apartment was unbearable without Bob, Cotton, Pebbles and Eureka. Something they didn’t understand. I hope your are coping and have someone you can talk to. I never did and still don’t. Linda

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    1. So sorry to hear of your loss…it is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. I am certain that with time your brother and sister-in-law will understand. I pray that you will adjust to your life change with strength and courage. I see my Farmer in everything around here but I am learning not to be sad because he is gone. I tell myself that he is my angel and he left so many earthly memories for all of us to get through the harder times here. Life throws us lemons at times…I guess for now I am choosing to make lemonade (as the saying goes_)…not that i always recognize that I am but it is helping me. Friends and family stand by with smiles and good stories to lift me up. So as I said I am praying for you sending hugs to you. Please stay in touch…my email is bejoshfarm@gmail.com…feel free to use it. XOXO Carol

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  2. Hello, Carol, and I am happy to see you writing. I identify with where you are. I think that the loss of someone very close, takes one to the place where you are, no matter what the family dynamics were/are. I am the oldest of 7 children – we were a farm family, too – both parents are gone after good hard working lives, I fell in to the role of caregiver and feeling always so responsible for my siblings. This past year the middle two siblings died unexpectedly, as Ed did….undetected cancer took their lives very quickly after DX. I am just wrecked by it all. The grief is in every minute of my life, and in my dreams. I am functioning, but barely. At 77, it feels like my world is collapsing, even though it really isn’t. Everything has a different perspective now. I can intellectualize that we all did the best we could in any given situation, and made the decisions we felt were right at the time. Still I would like things to be different in so many ways. I know this will all even out, and balance will return to my life, but right now, it is painful, and I am struggling to face each day. our honesty, and perspective have helped me tonight. Thank you and may 2020 be full of wonderful surprises and further healing for you and your family. The bunny is so sweet.

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  3. I think as mothers we are way too hard on ourselves. We do the best we can at the time and it’s all done with love. Happy New Year

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  4. Dear Carol, you show alot of courage to post your ‘soul-searching’ thoughts. Thank you for honestly sharing them. We all look back; we all have regrets. I recomend this book by Joan Chittister THE GIFT OF YEARS, GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY. Each short chapter is a theme on ‘ aging.’ The first chapter is, “Regrets.” I won’t quote anything because she says it best. Her books are always full of wisdom. Glad you are posting again. I think you are a very strong woman.

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    1. Thank you so much…going to look for the book on line. Sounds like I could really use it! Again, thank you for your concern and willingness to share some advice. Happy New Year to you and yours!

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  5. First, I saw that word failure in your post…I never want to see or hear you use that word to describe yourself, Ed, or your life together..mistakes, yes..we all look back at things we wish were different..as parents, we question what we did ..wrong or right?..but failures? Absolutely not!..it’s called being human…Ed may have rigid in his beliefs, but his belief in the future of the farm was strong and he worked every day to that end…if the kids sometimes felt sorry for themselves, as kids do, they survived to become good strong individuals…you can’t be to blame for other peoples’ feelings or attitude…go easier on yourself..you and Ed both were always running strong on love and that’s what the world needs more of…..now my rant is over…love you, my friend!..

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  6. Love you Mrs . Gulley. Happy New Year!!! We all grow and change so past mistakes, as you call them,?arentbmidtakes but practice for the future. We go through life using the knowledge we have at the time, and change when necessary. Glad your posts are cathartic, love to read them. Don’t ever second guess how great a parent you are or were. You and Ed rocked it,?i can say that as I know all of your children. Job well done…❤️💕❤️💕😃

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    1. Thanks so much…your comment means a lot to me.But please call me Carol; you make me feel old!!!! LOL You are one amazing person I am so grateful to call friend. Loving the quilt on these cold nights! Warm and beautiful. XOXO

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  7. I think God gives us grandchildren for another chance. (Although one of my favorite sayings is that grandparents and grandchildren have something in common: a common enemy.)

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  8. Thank you and welcome back!!!!!
    Think of you often
    Thank you for a beautiful post

    Keep blogging please!!!!
    Thank you for your insight & honesty

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  9. So nice to hear from you again. Life is journey on a road that is never straight. It twists and turns and brings you to where you are. Here. Today. And will head of on another curve tomorrow. You can’t quite see whats around the next bend. Isn’t it great?

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  10. A beautiful post Carol. Thank you for bringing those hard to look at things to the forefront.
    I’m also enjoying knowing Ed’s brother’s farm was ByGolly Farm. Now I’m guessing I know how Bejosh Farm got it’s name.
    Bijosh and Bygolly. I love it.
    I’m

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  11. Just happy to hear from you and that You’re doing ok Carol. Much prayers and love. Look forward to your next post. Till then God Bless! We all miss Ed too!

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  12. When I saw Cookie, I could not help but think of a rabbit we had when I was in Kindergarten and first grade. Her name was Easter B Bunny and she had the same markings as Cookie. She was a big girl who visited the school each year at Easter time for my classes. Their fur is so incredibly soft to pet and I can only imagine what a great lap warmer she must be!
    A very happy and healthy 2020 to you and your family! Take care and thanks for giving us an update!

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  13. Dear Carol, thank you for your heartfelt comments.

    You were loyal & loving, always, with priorities to Ed & Bejosh Farm, to provide for your family. Hope that your children can appreciate your continuing love & past sacrifices.

    Wishing joy to you & many adventures in the New Year — XOXOXO!

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  14. Love, Sweet, Sweet, Love to your entire family and circle of friends! May we all hold each other, and hope for a good year of 2020. I enjoy reading your thoughts and pray for you always. With last Saturday being National Milk Day on the Culver’s calendar, I’m still drinking and promoting milk and supporting dairy families. Your friend in Indy, Suetta

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  15. Carol, wanted to wish you a Happy 2020. Thanks for writing and sharing the pictures. Write again soon as I can. Thinking of You. Take Care. It was very good to hear from you again . Hope to hear from you again. Until then Stay Well.

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  16. Such great honesty in your writing. Sincerest hopes and wishes for a happier and healthier 2020 for you and your family. Your Farmer must be very proud of you!

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