Hello my friends! Hope the new decade has started off with all that is good for all of you. And most of all I pray that it continues to shine a positive light to draw you forward.
I have been going through photos and some of my Farmer’s writing from good and not-so-good days. This photo was taken on one of the days we picked out animals to sell in order to down size shortly after his cancer diagnosis. It was one of his last trips to the freestall and his beloved cows on his own power.
Every where I look here I am reminded of 45+ years of living this farm life together…teaching our kids what it was all about; love for animals under their care, love of the land that provided the feed for those animals,. Hard work was a daily requirement.
We were afforded a few getaways when the kids were here to carry on while we were gone and for that we always appreciated their help. I know they needed to prove it was possible for them to keep things going.
Then moving on to the point when our children found other interests …jobs off the farm…girlfriends…boyfriends and eventually to building families of their own. I love them all dearly.
I hate to admit this, but it needs to be said: We pushed hard and perhaps expected more than they were willing/able to give…following Dad’s example was very demanding. Not attending school functions or sports games and just expressing verbal interest in what they were into was hard on them.
The support they needed was overlooked. Farmer would give advice when asked about different things but wasn’t willing to drift very far from his lifestyle for even an afternoon or evening.
Of course there were exceptions but few…it really wasn’t until he and I were here alone and I was doing most of the milking with him doing feeding and other chores in the later years that he would even attend a Town Board meeting. He was responsible for the success of Bejosh and I was his helper. That was the way it had to be at that point.
You are probably asking yourselves why I am writing all of this…believe me when I say it has taken a great deal of soul searching and recognizing that those years had greatly influenced where we are today as the Bejosh family.
Strained relationships and hard feelings within our little tribe were directly influenced by the fact that we seemed to stay in the “old days” and were not willing to move into the ’80’s, ’90’s and the new century regarding how things got done around here.
The biggest (and basically only) transition was with the milking parlor and freestall. For that I am grateful. During conversations about other ‘upgrades’ so to speak, ideas were put to bed by keeping to the old methods. Yes, for the most part they did work…yes, he did relent to putting up silage in those huge white bags which he found to be a welcome change from the amount of waste there was to bunks/silos.
He certainly did what he thought was best and for the most part I agreed…However looking back I can see where some of the past mistakes and moving on has laid a kind of foundation for heartache.
I am not writing this because I want to bash anyone, especially Ed. God knows he loved his family more than any of them realized, I think. And they showed their love for him by showing up and pitching in when he needed them most…April 25,2018.
I have great respect for the man who gave me 4 great kids and a good life. But I do realize that things are what they are, relationships are what they are, due in part to the past unintentional failures as parents first and farmers second by us both.
He is not here to express this to anyone…and not having him here has forced me to look at things a bit differently, more honestly, for myself and our children. We have all made mistakes and I for one, admit it.
I think of myself as a loving, caring person who would help when needed regardless of the cost, be it physical, emotional or financial. Whenever called for I will give opinions that I think are advantageous to the situation…be there for anyone and everyone.
I am offering up this post to anyone who may need help with a situation such as strain in the family dynamic. It isn’t easy to be this honest but I hope in some way someone will identify a problem they are having and be able to relate to what I have written.
I look back over the years and feel great love throughout. The love part hasn’t changed but the other parts can use some work…family is of the utmost importance to me and that is what makes it so hard to be where I am.
Apologies from me haven’t worked…this isn’t a happy place for me personally, right now. I do vow to work on feeling better and by writing this I do.
I pray no one is offended or hurt by this…just trying to face some things.
Happy 2020 to all my followers. I started out this post with intentions to put up a few pictures of recent happenings and thoughts for the future here…I am sorry I got sidetracked.
I got a new iPhone and tried out the camera on it by taking this photo of a sunset last week…believe it or not, it was much darker than it portrays when I snapped it so I am impressed.
Meet Cookie the rabbit who has a brand new hutch here in the house with me…I have to be careful because of the dogs so it is his fortress when he isn’t on my lap!
And also this cute little red and white Holstein from Uncle Bud for Jaiboy. Ed’s brother sold his milk cows as did I and people are literally driving in buying up his heifers. He is afraid he wouldn’t have any left so got this one last weekend. Instead of it being a Bejosh heifer we now have a ByGolly one!! Thank you Uncle Bud!! And Jai is over the moon with gratitude.. (Hope the elevator is working out for you! )
Had a date for breakfast last week…Cooper…isn’t he one handsome dude?
And went to a UAlbany game last weekend and caught the Great Dane’s mascot in full garb…Logan will be on the court with them next fall/winter. So exciting!!!
Also giving a shout out to all the grandkids who headed back to college in NY, NH and Wisconsin after Christmas break…good luck and love you.
Ok…so I will say Happy New Year once again to all who follow this…writing this post has been therapeutic for me and I thank you…
Until next time…you are in my thoughts.