When he hugged you it was a loving one…whether filled with laughter or tears you couldn’t help but smile. That is just one of things I miss about my Farmer.
Sometimes, as we all know, a hug is all we need.
Since losing him I have developed a close relationship with 3 great women… as friends and confidantes… who will listen, give advice or simply… hugs. Those women are my go to and I hope I am the same for them.
For the last year and a half I helped a friend of Ed’s and mine through his cancer fight. I didn’t do anything special other than be there as a friend or companion if you will. (*** I met 2 of those special women through him; one was a follower of this blog that I didn’t meet face to face until my Farmer’s funeral and the other was a 16 year companion to one of his good friends. The third one is a longtime waitress that we knew from a local diner and connected with her through the blog and frequent lunches at the diner when Ed was still up to it***)
The friend I speak of was our hoof trimmer and his wife our mail lady. We had developed a friendship over the years…the occasional dinner out … Ed or Bill initiated …Peg or I planned.
Ultimately, Bill and I had Ed and Peg in common. So it wasn’t a question of whether I would help Bill but rather what could I DO to help him through his illness. He helped me by just talking with me after I lost Ed. I helped with rides to treatments when the pandemic hit and his closest relatives couldn’t take him…he always wanted to stay busy and in his own home…I helped to make that possible for him. I like to think I helped him in those last months; at least as much as I could. Going to his house sometimes 3x’s a day or spending the biggest part of a day with him his last couple of weeks was hard at times as it brought to mind all those days with my Farmer…however, I was doing the right thing when no one else could…I was only a few miles away and I have a good boss that told me to take all the time I needed to help our friend. She even visited him and cooked for him (Maggie, I love you for being there for him as well)
So, to tie this all together I am very thankful that I could help Bill these last months. However, the most important thing to me now is that Bill is in Heaven with Peg and their daughter they lost at the age of 15. His girls. He had no qualms about dying due to his strong faith and beliefs. He passed on January 5th…his way…at home with his minister, as it so happened.
Okay so now I can get back to my 3 great friends…After Ed and I returned from The Journey trip and while he felt up to it, he would say let’s go to the diner …where Karen was always ready for good conversation and opened her heart to my Farmer’s cancer fight with words of understanding and encouragement. They would also talk about places we had seen on the trip and that tickled my Farmer to know that Karen had followed his Journey on the blog.
Donna was also a follower that would comment on many of the posts… with old farm or animal stories that they both related to. He especially enjoyed her comments because the two of them “had a connection” he would say…oldtimer sayings…rodeo stories and talk about Painted Pony Rodeo in Lake Luzerne where her husband worked all those years ago. I wish they had the chance to really connect face to face. He would have loved that!! Fortunately for me, I met her at Ed’s funeral when Bill accompanied her.
That third friend, Roberta, has become a a dear one due in part to her connection to Bill. Her companion was one of Bill’s best friends. She lost him last Fall and that is another thing we have in common…widow-hood, if you will. She is a nurse and we are looking forward to going on a hike this Spring.
The point of this rambling is that I love the fact that my Farmer is indeed connected to what I have experienced these past 2 1/2 years. He is responsible for me having friends that I probably wouldn’t have met otherwise at this time in my life. Being able to help Bill in his time of need was in part due to us having cows and becoming friends with our hoof trimmer and our mail lady.
So yes, as I told a friend earlier today, I ‘hear and see’ Ed all the time and I know it is his message to me that he is watching over me. Of course no one else has these same connections as I do… I have constant reminders of our lives here at Bejosh which I am forever grateful.
Our kids and grand kids certainly miss him terribly…but it gives me assurance that he left this world an enormous legacy of adults and children who will pass on all those things that they saw in their Grampy, learned from him and felt from his loving heart in hugs.
We all miss our loved ones eventually…from parents, spouses, siblings or friends…those we have lost leave a void that cannot be filled. We all deal in our own way. From day to day I miss something different…
Hugs…His hug. Today that is what I miss.
I love and miss you Farmer.