Getting it back…

HUGS

When he hugged you it was a loving one…whether filled with laughter or tears you couldn’t help but smile. That is just one of things I miss about my Farmer.

Sometimes, as we all know, a hug is all we need.

Since losing him I have developed a close relationship with 3 great women… as friends and confidantes… who will listen, give advice or simply… hugs. Those women are my go to and I hope I am the same for them.

For the last year and a half I helped a friend of Ed’s and mine through his cancer fight. I didn’t do anything special other than be there as a friend or companion if you will. (*** I met 2 of those special women through him; one was a follower of this blog that I didn’t meet face to face until my Farmer’s funeral and the other was a 16 year companion to one of his good friends. The third one is a longtime waitress that we knew from a local diner and connected with her through the blog and frequent lunches at the diner when Ed was still up to it***)

The friend I speak of was our hoof trimmer and his wife our mail lady. We had developed a friendship over the years…the occasional dinner out … Ed or Bill initiated …Peg or I planned.

Ultimately, Bill and I had Ed and Peg in common. So it wasn’t a question of whether I would help Bill but rather what could I DO to help him through his illness. He helped me by just talking with me after I lost Ed. I helped with rides to treatments when the pandemic hit and his closest relatives couldn’t take him…he always wanted to stay busy and in his own home…I helped to make that possible for him. I like to think I helped him in those last months; at least as much as I could. Going to his house sometimes 3x’s a day or spending the biggest part of a day with him his last couple of weeks was hard at times as it brought to mind all those days with my Farmer…however, I was doing the right thing when no one else could…I was only a few miles away and I have a good boss that told me to take all the time I needed to help our friend. She even visited him and cooked for him (Maggie, I love you for being there for him as well)

So, to tie this all together I am very thankful that I could help Bill these last months. However, the most important thing to me now is that Bill is in Heaven with Peg and their daughter they lost at the age of 15. His girls. He had no qualms about dying due to his strong faith and beliefs. He passed on January 5th…his way…at home with his minister, as it so happened.

Okay so now I can get back to my 3 great friends…After Ed and I returned from The Journey trip and while he felt up to it, he would say let’s go to the diner …where Karen was always ready for good conversation and opened her heart to my Farmer’s cancer fight with words of understanding and encouragement. They would also talk about places we had seen on the trip and that tickled my Farmer to know that Karen had followed his Journey on the blog.

Donna was also a follower that would comment on many of the posts… with old farm or animal stories that they both related to. He especially enjoyed her comments because the two of them “had a connection” he would say…oldtimer sayings…rodeo stories and talk about Painted Pony Rodeo in Lake Luzerne where her husband worked all those years ago. I wish they had the chance to really connect face to face. He would have loved that!! Fortunately for me, I met her at Ed’s funeral when Bill accompanied her.

That third friend, Roberta, has become a a dear one due in part to her connection to Bill. Her companion was one of Bill’s best friends. She lost him last Fall and that is another thing we have in common…widow-hood, if you will. She is a nurse and we are looking forward to going on a hike this Spring.

The point of this rambling is that I love the fact that my Farmer is indeed connected to what I have experienced these past 2 1/2 years. He is responsible for me having friends that I probably wouldn’t have met otherwise at this time in my life. Being able to help Bill in his time of need was in part due to us having cows and becoming friends with our hoof trimmer and our mail lady.

So yes, as I told a friend earlier today, I ‘hear and see’ Ed all the time and I know it is his message to me that he is watching over me. Of course no one else has these same connections as I do… I have constant reminders of our lives here at Bejosh which I am forever grateful.

Our kids and grand kids certainly miss him terribly…but it gives me assurance that he left this world an enormous legacy of adults and children who will pass on all those things that they saw in their Grampy, learned from him and felt from his loving heart in hugs.

We all miss our loved ones eventually…from parents, spouses, siblings or friends…those we have lost leave a void that cannot be filled. We all deal in our own way. From day to day I miss something different…

Hugs…His hug. Today that is what I miss.

I love and miss you Farmer.

32 Comments

    1. Have you seen Robins already? I didn’t even have any cardinals through the winter…just one in November. Had a pair of Blue Jays though. With all the snow it was expensive feeding what birds were here but I love watching them at the feeders and I know they appreciate it..
      I am hoping to keep this urge to write more often…it is like therapy for me. I have some notes I made when we were on The Journey that i would like to include in some posts…just things from my point of view regarding our talks or things I noticed changing for Ed.
      Thank you for following the blog and stay safe…

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  1. I was so happy to see your post here and to know that you are doing well. You are indeed blessed to have close friends to confide in and share your stories with. Many thanks for sharing them with us also. Ed has not been and never will be forgotten.

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  2. Wonderful to hear from you, Carol, and to know that you have these special connections. Thank you for sharing not only memories but also what is keeping you as you face every day. I know people are sending you virtual hugs…as am I.

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  3. So nice to hear from you. I am glad you are doing well. I was thinking of Ed just the other day. I am working on an old table made out of a Singer sewing machine base, the old rought Iron ones. I lost a piece and knew Ed could figure out what to rig up. Funny how though thoughts come to us. Again, it was nice to hear from you. Take care and enjoy your friends!
    Jan in Maine

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    1. Lovely to hear from you…I have a table that Ed fashioned using an old treadle sewing machine base.. Currently holding my Christmas Cactus in just the right location to blossom soon. I am hoping to come to your beautiful state this summer with my grand daughters. Of course only if traveling is allowed again. I think everyone could use a change in the ‘normal’ direction. You take care and stay safe…

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  4. Brought me to tears today…I have been so blessed to have found you and will forever be grateful to bill for asking me to come with him that day…you were his angel in disguise during his illness, and gave your time unselfiishly…..I will emberass you, but you have one oof the most loving hearts I know…I hope we are forever friends…love you!

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    1. Of course we will be forever friends…you are such a caring person and I am truly grateful to have met you when I did. You can’t get rid of me!!!! Our friendship is a wonderful part of my life and I wouldn’t ever want it to end….
      Ok…that is enough dear Donna…Now I am in tears.Love you more!

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    1. Thank you so much…Hoping to get into it again.Just may have a different theme from time to time.I do promise to put animal photos in and farm stories about beef and dairy cattle along with cats, dogs, chickens and who knows what else. Take care and stay safe.

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  5. Carol….You don’t know me even through the blog but I was thinking of you and wondering why we had not heard from you in such a very long time. Friends are the treasures of our lives and I am happy to hear that you are gathering treasures in your journey. I have been blessed abundantly in my life with friends and they have become my real family…my chosen family. I am very happy to hear that you are doing well and even so I know that you miss your farmer. Just know that you will be with him again one day….Love you. Sally Garcia in Texas (Are you on facebook?)

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    1. That you for the hug today…I think we both needed it. I really enjoyed our visit today but I feel your sadness of losing your friends these past couple of weeks..I will be thinking of you and praying for strength and peace for you.
      Take care and stay safe…

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  6. So good to hear from you! Have thought of you many times…actually whenever I see certain farm animals like cows! Or crows! Glad you have found special people to talk with, help, and have a support group with! We all need other people to help us during challenging times!

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  7. Thank you for sharing from your heart, as you always do, Carol. I always read and re-read your words, as they speak to me at different times in my life. It is good to see your blog post today! I think about you often, and I am so glad you have close friends to talk to who share so many memories of Ed. What a comfort that must be.

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    1. Absolutely a blessing and comfort. I truly miss all the friends we made through the blog and hope to be hearing from more of them now that I feel like writing a bit. Thank you, take care and stay safe.

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  8. Swear to the angels was just thinking of you today and your email notification popped up. Have 2 people in my life who recently lost their beloved partners. Am reading books about receiving messages from the other side. My partner has had many health challenges recently, and a cardio rehab program at the hospital is helping him regain his strength. Blessing you and Ed from my heart right now

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    1. Thank you for the comments. I will be praying for and thinking of you and your partner. Cardiac rehab is a wonderful program that I was in after I had my bypass surgery in 2014. Blessings for you and your partner.

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